Debrief Info for families
The following pages are provided to resource you in receiving your students back home. Some of the information is directed to the family members and other parts of this information is directed to the students. We suggest that you print out these pages and re-read them several times to help you feel better equipped to help your student process the experience they have just had. We would also like to suggest that this printed material be handed to significant others so that many of your family are all working together to make the students growth and transition as smooth and possible. We have started the debriefing process aimed at helping prepare our students for some of the emotions and reactions that they most probably will experience in the coming days and weeks. It is a longer journey than we can hope to finish whilst away so we want to help you feel equiped to take up the supporting role that is needed at this time. It is our hope and prayer that you all enjoy the new person that is rejoining your home
Our hope in running this Philippines trip is to further equip these young people to became ‘extra-ordinary’ adults, and to grow a healthy ‘others’ mindedness. We also would like to assist families to pull together to share one another’s lives as we see this as vital in teaching all the children that move through Southern Hills Christian College.
If at any time you feel like you need some assistance with your students re-entry please make contact with the college to arrange a chat or meeting with Pastor Pete.
Re-Entry Stress
Definition:
Re-entry stress is like culture shock in many ways - only in reverse. While culture shock is associated with a sense of disorientation brought on by a new and unfamiliar environment, re-entry stress is precipitated by returning to a setting you presume to be familiar, but which in reality is no longer the same because you have changed.
It is the unexpected nature and subtlety of such change that will cause stress for your student. Your once familiar and comfortable environment no longer appears the same. Something definitely has changed. But you don't easily recognise just what has been altered.
Suddenly you find yourself out of phase with your own culture. Your reaction may come in the form of bewilderment, dismay, disillusionment and perhaps even irritation or anger. Somehow, "things are just not the way they used to be.", "nobody seems to care.", "nobody really understands.".
There are several contributing factors to re-entry stress. One is that you are being caught by surprise - you do not anticipate change and consequently are unprepared to cope. Another factor is value conflict. Your values, once taken for granted and even highly cherished, now seem of lesser significance or of little importance at all. Your way of thinking, your manner and your responses to many situations have been changing. Often these changes are not apparent until you are back in your own culture.
Common symptoms and effects of re-entry stress
1. Disorientation - feeling out of place, not fitting in
2. Feelings of loneliness, isolation, or being lost in the crowd
3. Restlessness - a desire to "get away" from those who don't seem to understand or care
4. Feeling that nobody understands your experience or that nobody cares
5. Feeling tired, listless
6. Critical attitude toward home country - its waste, extravagance, wrong way of doing things, etc.
7. Loss of identity - just "another cog in a big wheel"
8. Inability to communicate new ideas, concepts freely
9. Feeling of superiority - standing aloof from others because of your overseas experience
10. Feeling of dissatisfaction
11. Defensive in responses
12. Retreat, withdrawal, lack of concern
13. Unnatural, uncomfortable responses to "ordinary" situations
14. Confusion over conflicting attitudes and responses
15. Rejection of overseas experiences or a desire to forget and not talk about them
Basic Debriefing Tips for Family and Friends
1. Listen, listen, and listen some more.
Student will have many emotionally laden stories to tell. The most loving response family and friends can have is to sit regularly, without time constraints, and listen until all the stories have been told (and re-told). One great way to spend time unpacking the trip for your student is to spend time with them over this blog and/or their Personal Journal. Move through day at a time, the stories will flow and will really help your student to feel heard and understood.
2. Expect the student to be a different person.
Global experiences change a person. Encounters with poverty, a new culture, inability to communicate in an unknown language, and being an ethnic minority possibly for the first time will alter the way your student views and interacts with the world, including you and your family. Seek to discover the changes in your student and help him/her to make adjustments to living in Australia. Also allow the changes in your student to bring changes in your family, if your student has grown, then your family will have to grow to make it meaningful. Also your student may be experiencing grief at saying goodbye to people with whom they have connected.
3. Help the student find places to share his/her story.
Encourage returning students to speak at gatherings and help them to make contact with churches, youth groups and any other groups that would be interested in hearing about their experience. If a student does not like to speak in public, encourage him/her to invite family and friends over for small gatherings where stories and pictures from the trip can be shared.
4. Help students in their church and youth groups for service by encouraging them to:
a. Learn more about the nation they have just visited as well as any other nation they have on their heart
b. Commit to giving financially a regular portion of what they earn (a regular and defined portion assist people to fit their personal changes into regular life without it being forgotten or producing a fanatic)
c. Consider planning the next year so that a similar trip can be taken soon
d. Study the Bible for, and lead Bible studies about, God’s heart for the nations
e. Mobilise fellow students and friends to consider giving time and money to international mission service.
Between Two Worlds: Returning Home
Dr. Miriam Adeney, a Christian anthropologist, tells her students that they "will never be able to go ‘home’ again. They will probably always leave part of themselves behind, and thereafter will be split. And home may be in more than one place. But that is the price they pay for the richness of having experienced more than one culture deeply."
Some suggestions for Christian Families:
1. Help your student to find other returnees (short-term volunteers, missionaries) with whom you can share and have fellowship.
2. Give your student time to readjust. Be patient.
3. Recognise and accept which transition stage your student is going through, and remember that "reverse culture shock" or "re-entry shock" is a normal part of the process of returning home.
4. Encourage your student to have a good sense of humor. Be aware, though, that your student could feel that you are laughing at him/her and the mission experience if you make too light of their experience or feelings.
5. Use this time of re-entry as a growing process for your family to learn about your student, the people group/culture in which your student served, and how you can continue to minister to the people group from home. Re-entry provides an opportunity for you and your family to become bi-cultural or multi-cultural people.
6. Express to your student what God has done in your life and your family's life during your student's time in another country. Possibly the changes God prompted were the result of your student serving internationally.
7. Help your student find opportunities to share the story of his/her international mission service. Examples of this can be a church service, Sunday School classes, or other groups.
8. Help your student learn to tell his or her story well. There are many tips to help people effectively tell their stories, please spend some time researching these.
9. Review the most significant changes that have occurred while your student was gone on mission. Talk through the events and changes, show pictures and videos of events, if possible, and discuss the implications of those events and changes on your student's future.
10. Talk with your student about his/her great expectations in returning home. How relevant and realistic are they? What are steps your student can take, and your family can take, to meet the realistic expectations?
11. Keep a clear perspective and remember that God is with you!
Conflicting Values
Preoccupation with materialism
Back in Australia, the desire for material comforts and possessions is a dominant theme. Are you prepared to face this fact if you are returning from a culture where people are content with little or have only the basic necessities of life? Has your sensitivity to basic human needs been heightened by your experiences abroad? What response might you have to affluence, waste or overindulgence?
Suggestions:
1. Do not be quick to condemn; realize that others have not had the same exposure to another way of life. Their preoccupation with "their world" as they know it is only natural.
2. Be prepared for a sensory bombardment if you are accustomed to simplicity in choice and lifestyle. An overabundance of goods, choices, etc. can overwhelm you at first.
3. Expect others to not fully understand how you feel when their "materialistic ways" strike you as sinful.
Doing things the "best" way
This is often referred to as ethnocentrism. It's only natural that every culture values its ways. Is bigger, better, faster and more accurate really best? Do other cultures have something to offer us? Expect to receive blank stares or an air of disapproval from your compatriots if you question traditional ways.
Suggestions:
1. Be on the alert for a "holier-than-thou" attitude. Do not be too quick to judge others for their ethnocentric stance or to think that your way is the best way.
2. Share your perspectives, but at the same time avoid becoming involved in arguments . Do not allow yourself to withdraw or refuse to discuss matters because of opposition.
Personal worth and recognition
Possibly one of the most difficult areas to address is personal fulfillment. Your questions may include: Was my service valuable? Will anyone recognize my contribution or my sacrifice? Will I be just another fish in a big pond? What will the situation be like upon my return? Quite likely you are returning from a position where you were the focus of attention, where you felt needed, accepted and loved.
Suggestions:
1. Do not expect to be in the limelight for long after your return. Some may ask to see your pictures, have you speak, etc., but soon you will be back to your "ordinary citizen" status.
2. Realize that your worth and recognition comes first from God. View your service as service to Him, not something with which to gain recognition and praise from others.
3. Do not allow yourself to feel hurt or sorry for yourself when people do not notice you or your service. God does. Look for ways to meet others' needs; this will help you take the focus off yourself (Phil. 2:3-4).
Our hope in running this Philippines trip is to further equip these young people to became ‘extra-ordinary’ adults, and to grow a healthy ‘others’ mindedness. We also would like to assist families to pull together to share one another’s lives as we see this as vital in teaching all the children that move through Southern Hills Christian College.
If at any time you feel like you need some assistance with your students re-entry please make contact with the college to arrange a chat or meeting with Pastor Pete.
Re-Entry Stress
Definition:
Re-entry stress is like culture shock in many ways - only in reverse. While culture shock is associated with a sense of disorientation brought on by a new and unfamiliar environment, re-entry stress is precipitated by returning to a setting you presume to be familiar, but which in reality is no longer the same because you have changed.
It is the unexpected nature and subtlety of such change that will cause stress for your student. Your once familiar and comfortable environment no longer appears the same. Something definitely has changed. But you don't easily recognise just what has been altered.
Suddenly you find yourself out of phase with your own culture. Your reaction may come in the form of bewilderment, dismay, disillusionment and perhaps even irritation or anger. Somehow, "things are just not the way they used to be.", "nobody seems to care.", "nobody really understands.".
There are several contributing factors to re-entry stress. One is that you are being caught by surprise - you do not anticipate change and consequently are unprepared to cope. Another factor is value conflict. Your values, once taken for granted and even highly cherished, now seem of lesser significance or of little importance at all. Your way of thinking, your manner and your responses to many situations have been changing. Often these changes are not apparent until you are back in your own culture.
Common symptoms and effects of re-entry stress
1. Disorientation - feeling out of place, not fitting in
2. Feelings of loneliness, isolation, or being lost in the crowd
3. Restlessness - a desire to "get away" from those who don't seem to understand or care
4. Feeling that nobody understands your experience or that nobody cares
5. Feeling tired, listless
6. Critical attitude toward home country - its waste, extravagance, wrong way of doing things, etc.
7. Loss of identity - just "another cog in a big wheel"
8. Inability to communicate new ideas, concepts freely
9. Feeling of superiority - standing aloof from others because of your overseas experience
10. Feeling of dissatisfaction
11. Defensive in responses
12. Retreat, withdrawal, lack of concern
13. Unnatural, uncomfortable responses to "ordinary" situations
14. Confusion over conflicting attitudes and responses
15. Rejection of overseas experiences or a desire to forget and not talk about them
Basic Debriefing Tips for Family and Friends
1. Listen, listen, and listen some more.
Student will have many emotionally laden stories to tell. The most loving response family and friends can have is to sit regularly, without time constraints, and listen until all the stories have been told (and re-told). One great way to spend time unpacking the trip for your student is to spend time with them over this blog and/or their Personal Journal. Move through day at a time, the stories will flow and will really help your student to feel heard and understood.
2. Expect the student to be a different person.
Global experiences change a person. Encounters with poverty, a new culture, inability to communicate in an unknown language, and being an ethnic minority possibly for the first time will alter the way your student views and interacts with the world, including you and your family. Seek to discover the changes in your student and help him/her to make adjustments to living in Australia. Also allow the changes in your student to bring changes in your family, if your student has grown, then your family will have to grow to make it meaningful. Also your student may be experiencing grief at saying goodbye to people with whom they have connected.
3. Help the student find places to share his/her story.
Encourage returning students to speak at gatherings and help them to make contact with churches, youth groups and any other groups that would be interested in hearing about their experience. If a student does not like to speak in public, encourage him/her to invite family and friends over for small gatherings where stories and pictures from the trip can be shared.
4. Help students in their church and youth groups for service by encouraging them to:
a. Learn more about the nation they have just visited as well as any other nation they have on their heart
b. Commit to giving financially a regular portion of what they earn (a regular and defined portion assist people to fit their personal changes into regular life without it being forgotten or producing a fanatic)
c. Consider planning the next year so that a similar trip can be taken soon
d. Study the Bible for, and lead Bible studies about, God’s heart for the nations
e. Mobilise fellow students and friends to consider giving time and money to international mission service.
Between Two Worlds: Returning Home
Dr. Miriam Adeney, a Christian anthropologist, tells her students that they "will never be able to go ‘home’ again. They will probably always leave part of themselves behind, and thereafter will be split. And home may be in more than one place. But that is the price they pay for the richness of having experienced more than one culture deeply."
Some suggestions for Christian Families:
1. Help your student to find other returnees (short-term volunteers, missionaries) with whom you can share and have fellowship.
2. Give your student time to readjust. Be patient.
3. Recognise and accept which transition stage your student is going through, and remember that "reverse culture shock" or "re-entry shock" is a normal part of the process of returning home.
4. Encourage your student to have a good sense of humor. Be aware, though, that your student could feel that you are laughing at him/her and the mission experience if you make too light of their experience or feelings.
5. Use this time of re-entry as a growing process for your family to learn about your student, the people group/culture in which your student served, and how you can continue to minister to the people group from home. Re-entry provides an opportunity for you and your family to become bi-cultural or multi-cultural people.
6. Express to your student what God has done in your life and your family's life during your student's time in another country. Possibly the changes God prompted were the result of your student serving internationally.
7. Help your student find opportunities to share the story of his/her international mission service. Examples of this can be a church service, Sunday School classes, or other groups.
8. Help your student learn to tell his or her story well. There are many tips to help people effectively tell their stories, please spend some time researching these.
9. Review the most significant changes that have occurred while your student was gone on mission. Talk through the events and changes, show pictures and videos of events, if possible, and discuss the implications of those events and changes on your student's future.
10. Talk with your student about his/her great expectations in returning home. How relevant and realistic are they? What are steps your student can take, and your family can take, to meet the realistic expectations?
11. Keep a clear perspective and remember that God is with you!
Conflicting Values
Preoccupation with materialism
Back in Australia, the desire for material comforts and possessions is a dominant theme. Are you prepared to face this fact if you are returning from a culture where people are content with little or have only the basic necessities of life? Has your sensitivity to basic human needs been heightened by your experiences abroad? What response might you have to affluence, waste or overindulgence?
Suggestions:
1. Do not be quick to condemn; realize that others have not had the same exposure to another way of life. Their preoccupation with "their world" as they know it is only natural.
2. Be prepared for a sensory bombardment if you are accustomed to simplicity in choice and lifestyle. An overabundance of goods, choices, etc. can overwhelm you at first.
3. Expect others to not fully understand how you feel when their "materialistic ways" strike you as sinful.
Doing things the "best" way
This is often referred to as ethnocentrism. It's only natural that every culture values its ways. Is bigger, better, faster and more accurate really best? Do other cultures have something to offer us? Expect to receive blank stares or an air of disapproval from your compatriots if you question traditional ways.
Suggestions:
1. Be on the alert for a "holier-than-thou" attitude. Do not be too quick to judge others for their ethnocentric stance or to think that your way is the best way.
2. Share your perspectives, but at the same time avoid becoming involved in arguments . Do not allow yourself to withdraw or refuse to discuss matters because of opposition.
Personal worth and recognition
Possibly one of the most difficult areas to address is personal fulfillment. Your questions may include: Was my service valuable? Will anyone recognize my contribution or my sacrifice? Will I be just another fish in a big pond? What will the situation be like upon my return? Quite likely you are returning from a position where you were the focus of attention, where you felt needed, accepted and loved.
Suggestions:
1. Do not expect to be in the limelight for long after your return. Some may ask to see your pictures, have you speak, etc., but soon you will be back to your "ordinary citizen" status.
2. Realize that your worth and recognition comes first from God. View your service as service to Him, not something with which to gain recognition and praise from others.
3. Do not allow yourself to feel hurt or sorry for yourself when people do not notice you or your service. God does. Look for ways to meet others' needs; this will help you take the focus off yourself (Phil. 2:3-4).
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